And nobody even notices.
Mental Illness Survey
Depression
[X] You are always, or normally, feel sad/apathetic.
[X] You always, or normally, are crying.
[] You find no hope in your future.
[X] You find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[X] You always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[X] You are asocial.
[X] You have low self esteem.
[X] Everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[X] Hope is no longer there for you.
Total: 8/9
ADHD
[X] You are hyper most of the time.
[x] You barely pay attention to anything.
[x] You cannot cooperate with people well.
[X] You seem to never sit still.
[X] You talk all the time.
[X] You need attention 24/7.
[X] You aren’t very shy.
Total: 7/7
Bipolar disorder
[] You can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[] You are very irritable.
[X] You barely get any or no sleep.
[X] You have very high self esteem at times.
[X] You have used or abused alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[x] You have thought of/attempted suicide
[X] You have the worst mood swings of anyone you know.
Total: 5/7
Schizophrenia/Anxiety
[x] You often have hallucinations or sudden memories you can’t escape.
[x] You can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] You think people are always staring or talking about you.
[x] You have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[x] You have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite/same sex
[x] You do not take care of your hygiene as much as others say you should.
[x] You are very shy.
[] You often talk to yourself.
Total: 7/8
Bulimia nervosa
[X] You’ve thrown up all your food at one time
[X] You throw it up even when you don’t feel sick.
[] You have little control over how you eat.
[] You use or have used laxatives.
[] You eat fast.
[] You have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[x] You always say you are fat.
[] People think you are way too skinny.
Total: 3/8
Conduct disorder
[] You are a bully.
[X] You threaten other people.
[] You often find yourself in fights.
[] You have used a weapon that could cause injury to others.
[] You are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[] You destroy property on purpose
[] You always lie.
[X] You’ve stayed out all night.
[] You have/attempted to run away from home.
Total: 2/9
Obsessive compulsive disorder
[x] You have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[] You have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[] You have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] You have harmed yourself.
[] You are afraid you will get an STD, or AIDS.
[X] You have to check some stuff over again.
Total: 3/6
Anorexia
[X] You have starved yourself.
[X] You have low self esteem.
[X] You hate your body.
[] You use or have used laxatives.
[X] You need to be skinnier.
[X] People always say you’re skinny, but you think fat.
[] People think you are way too skinny.
[X] You skip at least one meal a day.
[] You limit your calories or check them constantly by compulsion.
Total: 6/9
:(
Too numb and too sleep deprived to cry.
I’m gaining my old self back, however.
The one my fiance has dubbed “happybunny”…
Back when we met so many years ago.
I’m finally beginning to be me again.
Finally.
Happybunny.
But my heart, soul and body still ache and yearn for him. A big part of my life is missing.
I feel so empty.
Drawing this cute lil guy kept me from relapsing after 5 years. Seriously thinking about getting it as a tattoo on my right wrist
My first time
It was on the side of my left wrist with a small knife.
I was 12.
The first quick slip of the knife sliced my skin, stinging.
I relished in the pain.
Then I cut again. A little deeper.
Blood. Oh, beautiful blood.
Again.
Again.
More blood. Oh my, it’s so pretty.
22 cuts later I cleaned the knife and put it away.
That was 10 years ago.
The scars are no longer there.
I’ve been clean for five years.
And I still have cravings.
My Father~ My dad became a dad at an early age. I guess I was the mistake child. The unwanted teenage pregnancy. He never loved me. He mentally abused me calling me “fat, emo” he’d say I reminded him too much of my mother. He’d call me a “slob” and say no one would love a slob.. He physically…
The past 24 hours
I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep and only eaten a sandwich.
I’m sitting here crying.
I don’t want to sleep.
Nightmares..
I found my new themesong.
It’s not a question of why and if she’ll make it
It’s more a question of when and how she’ll take it
standing out there alone completely naked
another secret’s been kept and left her tainted
there’s nothing more she can do to make them change it
She does the best that she can to rearrange it
there’s still the question of how she’s grown so tainted
a tattered canvas unfurls, watch as they paint it
she fought them bravely until defenses caved in
Pressing their teeth to her neck until she gave in
Now there’s no question this girl is well acquainted
With suffering in a world that’s left her tainted
Slowly fading and decaying
Please ignore what they’re saying
She’s at the edge of the world
She’s there standing alone
She’s the loneliest girl
And now She finally feels like she’s coming home
She’s just done what she’s been told
Her heart is turning to stone
Here at the end of this girl
This Time She finally feels like she’s coming home
Possible thyroid disorder
So I went to the clinic today. The past week or so I’ve been feeling like shit. Extreme fatigue, weakness, and just…crappy.
So much so, that I’d been sleeping almost all day and all night.
At the clinic, at first the doctor looked at me and said “you look like a depressed person. I’m going to set you up with a counseling appointment.”
“I don’t need that.” I snapped. “I came here because I’m sick. I’m on zoloft because my fiance is deployed.”
Her eyes widened with realization and she began asking more questions pertaining to my ailments.
My finger was pricked, blood sugar and count tested. And then a vial of blood was drawn to be sent off for thyroid disorder tests.
The inside of my elbow hurts and it will definitely be bruised tomorrow.
Bending it earlier sent me into a dizzy spell. I became extremely nauseated and lightheaded, to the point I had to sit down.
I took a 4 hour nap and still don’t feel better. I’m terribly exhausted and just feeling so run down.
I’m tired of sleeping all the time.
I just want to feel better.
